Sweet, Fresh Hell

If a day kicks off on a bad note, it's a fairly certain fact that the ensuing day will be a horror. Hello, it was.

-The weather was very cold, two degrees with wind chill. I spent 11 minutes trying to locate my fur hat. Couldn't find it, Frustrating.

-I left my apartment at 6:45 am. Drove into the mire. I barely move. I sing along to the Serius Soul radio station. I think I can actually harmonize. I get to work at 10 am.

-I was stuck in traffic most of the time. A three car accident stranded the commuters and as I passed the scene of the crime, I saw severely damaged vehicles, deployed airbags, subdued ambulances and much refuse. It was really rather disturbing.

-Arrive at the office. Chaos ensues. Everyone needs something RIGHT NOW. I fling my lovely Michael Kors handbag across my office in frustration.

-Apologies to alarmed marketing staffer who witnesses my frustrating flinging of Micheal Kors bag across my office.

-Get to work. Not sure where to start first.

-Lunch: low carb, low fat chicken verde wrap with a side of broccoli. Heaven.

-Meetings, meetings, meetings. At some point, it seems a contributor is speaking in tongues. I'm so confused that I actually say, "I don't understand what you are saying. At all." Blank faces ensue. A chorus of explanations.

-A combative colleague calls me to essentially nail me to the wall. I am diplomatic. I want to kill her in the windmill in my mind. As a lifelong avoider of pharmaceuticals, I find myself wondering what harm would the occasional Valium do?

-It's 4 pm and it's already dark outside. I like winter and cold weather and snow and its elements, but I hate the winter time cycle. Just saying.

-It's 7 pm and time to leave the office. I bid adieu to the last three people laboring at work. I find myself thinking that these three are local and that they will be home in minutes. I may be home by Saturday morning. The pleasure of living in Manhattan is lost on me these days. C'mon, ya think?

-Get on the road. Some people are driving 70 mph, some 35 mph. And I am behind those fuckers doing 35 mph.

-Traffic ebbs and flows. And I am still behind those fuckers doing 35 mph.

-In the Bronx, I cut lose. I zig around the lanes to get ahead of those fuckers doing 35 mph. As I veer towards the Bruckner Expressway, some ass in a minivan in the far right lane heading for the George Washington Bridge decides he needs to stop, turn left and head across five lanes of traffic to I-287 at the far left lane. He does so at 30 mph. I head straight towards him at 70 mph. An accident is bound to occur. I veer the steering wheel and slam on the brakes. I end up on the traffic island as does the tailgator behind me. It's scary and I am shaken.

-Accident avoided and perpetrator innocent of the hell they could have caused, I catch my breath and put the AC on in the car despite the fact it's 19 degrees outside. I am freaked and sweating,

-I finish my drive home cautiously. Seriously feeling beaten between my job and my commute.

-The attendant at my garage is flirtatious. I am in such foul temper that I blow him off. Tip be damned.

-I walk home. There is a pothole in the road and I step in it and fall hard to the pavement. Depsite the fact the I have gloves and jeans on, I have road rash and battered extremities. My knee hurts and it's bleeding. I recover quickly.

-Home at 8 pm. Leg is bleeding, I am cranky and in pain. Where's my glass of wine, dude?

-And this is my life.