Checked Out

I was supposed to go to a party tonight. My friend Christo is hosting a little get together at his immaculate and brilliantly decorated apartment. I was looking forward to it all week. Hollaback was going to be there with her squeeze and I was going to meet Christo's brand new squeeze. So excited.

When I awoke today I knew that Saturday would be an extension of the shit day I had on Friday. Things were falling apart. I was falling apart. Nothing was going right. It was as if the global paradigm had shifted yet again. And I didn't shift with it.

Fang and I went out this morning to run some errands. Everything went wrong. By 2 pm, I gave up and we went home. My head was light and I felt dizzy. All I wanted to do was curl up in a fetal position on the couch and sleep. Yet I also wanted to go to Christo's party.

By 2:30, I knew I couldn't be around people. I feel like a shell of a person these days. It's not who I am. I enjoy meeting new people. I am effusive and enthusiastic and fun. But I was clearly not that today. I am exhausted. I don't have the energy to make new friends. I called Christo with regrets. I know I let him down. It makes me feel awful. And stupid.

So I didn't go to Christo's party. I'm sure it's a glittering event and I'll kick myself for not going but I do need some time to sequester myself. So I'm spending Saturday night in a Slanket, writing out holiday cards and feeling rather blue.