Freak Magnet

Fang's birthday was last Monday but because the work week tends to mean late nights, we didn't have the opportunity to celebrate the occasion. This morning I offered to cook him anything he wanted tonight for dinner as means of a belated celebration. He pondered for awhile and then opined he's really like some orrichiette with sausage, onions and broccoli rabe. My version is dressed with a little olive oil, asiago cheese and basil. He seems to like it.

I ventured out to the Upper West Side and wandered around a bit. I fought the masses at Zabar's and collected the ingredients for dinner. I went to Cafe Europa and bought a small fruit tart for dessert. I went to Beacon Liquors and bought a few bottles of Cloudy Bay Sauvignon Blanc. I stopped at Broadway Fair and bought six stems of white lilies. And well, yeah, I digressed briefly at Bandolino and tried on some rather fabulous jeweled sandals. I mean, they were 20% off.

I collected my many shopping bags and the unwieldy paper wrapped cone of lilies and hopped on the subway to head uptown. I got on the car and spying a seat, I maneuvered my ass into the space. In New York fashion, I stacked my bags and held them steady between my knees in the crowded subway car.

Sitting directly across from me was a man who was normal in every respect--he looked a bit like the actor Dennis Leary. After I repositioned my bags and got situated, I looked up. The Dennis Leary lookalike was staring at me. Not in a good way. I carefully looked around to ensure that my bags weren't infringing on anyone's space or that I wasn't being inconsiderate in any way to my fellow commuters.

Suddenly, the lookalike spoke out. "You're selfish. Selfish. Selfish fucking bitch." Maybe he was talking to someone else? Yeah, no. I looked up and he was clearly directing his comments to me. What did I do? I couldn't figure it out. He didn't look crazy or manic or anything. He looked like a normal guy...whatever that means.

Emboldened, the lookalike kept ranting. I'll spare you the diatribe, but he clearly had a talent for derogatory female euphemisms. Other commuters on the car were looking at him and then at me, as if we knew one another. I have to believe he was focusing his ire at me because he thought he knew me or mistook me for someone else.

The lookalike would pause then the ranting would start again. I considered whether or not to get off the subway and wait for another train, but the notion of schlepping all the bags off the train and waiting seemed too laborious. Besides, the train was full of able bodied people who I hoped would come to my aid should the lookalike decide to assault me.

Finally a man sitting next to me, a beefy Brooklyn type of guy, leaned over and said to me, "Do you know this guy?" I mouthed a distinct "no." He nodded.

As I got closer to my stop, I got up, collected my bags and stood at the subway doors. The lookalike also got up and stood at the second set of doors. Panic seized me. Was this lunatic going to assault me once I exited the train? I was suddenly very nervous. At that moment, the beefy Brooklyn guy rose up and came up behind me. The train stopped and the three of us stepped out onto the platform. The lookalike started slowly walking towards the exit. Brooklyn touched my arm and said, "Hold up. That guy is crazy. Are you going far? I can walk you home to make sure you're safe."

I was stunned. I'm so used to taking care of myself. "Is this your stop?" I asked.

He shook his head. "I just wanted to make sure you'll be safe. That dude is crazy."

Bless him. I shook his hand and thanked him profusely but I felt (with the lookalike no longer in view) that I could now make it home intact. And I did.

I do have the propensity of attracting society's weirdos--that's no mystery. What was surprising about today was the kindness exhibited by my Brooklyn protector. In this hard world, I often forget that people can be considerate, good Samaritans. I was most grateful for it today.