Body Language

I am an astute student of body language. I find that when I am talking to someone, I become transfixed on the gestures they make while speaking, the movements they use while listening, the expressions they make, the look in their eyes. Perhaps I am deluded but seemingly, it makes my counterpart transparent and very fascinating.

I can tell whether the person I am talking to likes me or is just humoring me. I can tell when I am being patronized or whether they are genuinely engaged. I am distracted by people who repeatedly wipe their nose (are they telling ME something? I start to wipe my nose copiously). I am intrigued by people who run their hands repeatedly over inanimate objects, caressing a pen or a notepad while having a perfectly dispassionate business discussion. I am drawn to people who speak with warmth or express captivation in their eyes. I am turned off by wide sweeping gestures and business jazz-hands (though in inexplicable truth, I often find myself using this same busy-hand gestures when talking with my boss--which I notice she notices--I know it is borne purely out of nervous energy so I should cut those who do it to me some slack). I like it when the person slumps a bit in a chair and opens themselves to you; that speaks comfort. The crossed arms--well, that's a classic resistance pose. Someone who needs to stand when talking to you (and you are sitting) is telling you they are superior. The person who leans into your space is trying to establish intimacy; whether it works or not is dependent on your willingness to be drawn in. More often than not, this is executed badly.

Today I was in the middle of a conference call with two other people in the room. One of the participants, a man, absentmindedly ran his hands along the edge of the conference room table as the dialogue ensued. This man has beautiful hands so he already has an advantage. The fingers are tapered and unmarked and smooth. I was fascinated by them. I watched as he traced the edge of the table corners and ran his fingers along the top of his notepad. He did so lightly and in so intimate a fashion, that I felt that I was intruding by observing (I'm certain he would be mortified if he knew I characterized such an absent minded gesture as such). I was so caught up in this gesture that for a very brief moment I lost track of the conversation.

Let's be honest. In my usual perverted fashion, my first thought was the notion of those lovely hands running along various parts of my body. Admit it, girls. We do think about such things. Yet later, I started to think what that gesture meant about the person who owned those hands: thoughtful, insightful, sensitive. We had a positive outcome to the call and the person with the absentminded hand gestures was an influential force.

He'll never know that but we do, don't we?