Perhaps it is the litigious nature of our society today, but it seems every commercial on television that portrays some wild extremity (cars driving at 80 mph over an ice mass, a woman pushing her washing machine off a diving board, dogs freestyling on a skateboard) cites in large print "Do Not Attempt." How stupid do we look? Clearly the majority of us would not attempt such feats that would likely result in some misadventure if not death.
It got me thinking about a more practical use of this disclaimer in everyday life. Having considered it, I think I would apply "Do Not Attempt" to the following events:
1. Putting grated cheese on seafood pasta
2. Calling San Francisco "Frisco"
3. Having that fourth martini
4. Nipple piercing
5. Talking back to the crazy ranting man on the subway
6. Ordering a prime rib dinner in a New York diner
7. Wearing Ugg boots
8. Eating corn dogs in public
9. Runching
10. Fucking your cute co-workers
Anything I'm missing, people?
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9 comments:
Oh man, I am so with you! I really wish women would not attempt breast augmentation just because they want a larger bustline. C'mon, girls! Wake up! I think they look ridiculous.
Also- and this is kind of a public service announcement- do not attempt to get Taylor Hicks to shake your hand. He'll give you his hand in a very reluctant, limp way and shoot you a dirty look at the same time. You know, so I hear.
But Taylor actually extended his hand to me and shook my hand. Of course what I really wanted was a hug or at least a picture. Oh well..... However, I do know people who would try some of the stunts seen on TV ads; those announcements mean nothing to them and only annoy those of us who have the common sense to know better than to try them.
The part I find most amusing to these ads are Dr. Doolittle's response as well as my in-laws (mostly male). They instantaneously scream foul and follow it up with real time calculations of mass, velocity and torque. Meanwhile I'm still trying to figure out a reason or a circumstance this would actually happen in real life, or you would want/need it to... I'm with you Chicken, there are other more appropriate situations. Wear clothes that fit; don't try to put 10lbs of flour in a 5 lb sack. Don't take your 5 year old anywhere near Chuckie Cheese's unless you're going to a birthday party. I could go on..
What is runching? I can't avoid it if I don't know what it is. Educate please.
oh, sdcrawford, yes! I let that one slip. What is runching? It's not in the dictionary. Wait, I actually have a slang dictionary...nope, not in there either! Maybe CW put that in there to see if we're paying attention?
Runching, ditto. Pray tell.
But CW...I SAY FRISCO! I think it's cute and jaunty and somehow very Frank Sinatra. Can we no longer be friends?
Ruching? Like on Project Runway?
All of those things--so wrong, but feel so right. OK, not the Ugg boots, get rid of them.
What's wrong with #10?
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