BSD

I worked in the New York office today and that experience always offers me multiple intriguing blogging options: overheard conversations, strange people/fashions/overheard dialogues/behaviors on the street during my lunch hour; and conversations with my office homies. Today presented a truly blogworthy opportunity.

I sat in an unoccupied cubicle which shares a wall with an impossibly loud salesperson. She's a WASP masquerading as a Jew, she lives in Westchester and she squeals between sentences. She's blonde and oddly accessorized and awfully chirpy (I am convinced medication is involved somehow). Her phone voice is voluminously high so if you have the pleasure of sitting alongside her with only a flimsy partition separating you, you'll learn everything about this woman whether you wish to or not. Her syllables are sharp and deliberate. Her tone is giddy with sing-songy accents. It's a miracle I didn't walk around and throttle her today after listening to a discourse with her gynecologist ("How can I have vaginal warts? That's impossible").

During one of her conversations today, I heard her take a call from a colleague/friend. She was talking about an IM she had received from a friend of hers (she breathlessly reported, "This was so funny! I was telling my babysitter about it this morning!"). The IM contained some of the abbreviated language common to this medium. I heard her cite "BSD." There was a pause then she said, "You don't know what it means? It means 'Big Swinging Dick'." She said the last word sotto voce...for her, anyway. I was next door so I got an earful.

I had to tell my boss Norma. She loves this shit as much as I do.

Of course Norma loved it but she asked the logical question: what does "big swinging dick" mean in the context of an IM? Well, that's a fair question. We had to have a brief discourse on the meaning of "big swinging dick." I offered two suggestions. It could mean pure physical appreciation of a man who is front loaded. He's carrying the goods and this is obvious by the frontal presentation of package (and if you people don't know by now that I am an uncertain package appreciator, return to Go and do not collect $200). I illustrated this by miming a v-shape with my hands at the crotch area; that usually gets the point across. We also interpreted it to mean a person of particular ego, supreme dick-titude and baseless bravado. Since we haven't got the background in this particular instance, this assessment was totally up for interpretation. Still, I have to throw props to Norma for asking, "Was it used as a pronoun?"

Am I missing anything? I value your thoughts.