Of Mice And Men

The following e-mail message was distributed today to all employees in the New York City office:

Good Afternoon All,
We have informed the exterminator about our on going mouse problem. They are doing everything they can as far as mouse traps and spraying, He informed me that the reason we started getting them is due the construction happening on both sides of the building. So until that stops we would appreciate you don't leave any type of food or snacks on or in your workstations and maybe we can get them to move to another floor. They are attracted to anything with sugar. We will put glue traps down by everyone's desk.

(Aside: I've had it with those ridiculous glue traps. If you ever have the misfortune of accidentally stepping on one, it's harder to get that off the bottom of your shoe than chewing gum or an errant trail of toilet paper).

It's true we are enjoying the lively society of multiple mice families just now. In this area of the city, exclusive multi-million dollar condo enclaves are going up faster than a skirt on a drunken cheerleader. The mice population are being driven out, seeking more sedentary grounds. These fuzzy nomads must have taken one look at our cozy food strewn emporium and squeaked "Shangri-la!" I don't think they'll be considering taking up residence anywhere else especially when we have half eaten hospitality baskets and leftover cookie trays spread out like pirate's booty on the lunchroom tables. This stuff is put out in the spirit of sharing largesse, but the ones enjoying it most have tails. Why would they leave? Would you leave Bliss Spa in favor of a barber shop? Yeah, no.

Outside of leaving bits of poop on our desks (we have industrial size containers of Fantastick cleaner in the lunchroom for said purpose) and the far more amusing drive-by mousings (mice darting from one spot to another which always solicits a scream from someone), they're pretty innocuous tenants. I'd rather have the rodents than the cockroaches.

But back to the e-mail that gave birth to this diatribe...The "only in New York" quality of this e-mail prompted me to send it on to my witty cohorts in far more sanitary and pristine branch offices. The replies filtered back in a flurry of witty barbs. One from Connecticut said, "I've lived in NYC and have seen NYC mice. Put a collar around it's neck and it's an instant Chihuahua."

Another asked, "So if the mice are like chihuahuas, dare I even ask about the rats?"

Another: "They're like labradors."

And finally: "I think we should encourage Bring Your Python To Work Day."

At least we can laugh about it.