Help me, Ronco!

I love Ronco products. You know, the spawn from the mind of that mad genius Ron Popeil. He of the pocket fisherman, the food dehydrator, the magic pasta maker, the dial-o-matic and a million and other must-have products. My favorite was always the bad spot coverage which essentially was a can of spray paint to coat the pate. I could write a whole dissertation about Ronco and the salesmanship of Mr. Popeil, but that's not the topic this evening. I was thinking that after the day I had today that surely Ronco would have a product that might extrude the clutter of the day so that I can simply forget it. You know, extrude it and forget it! I guess he hasn't conjured this device up yet, so the alternative is to extrude it here.

In order to make this even remotely interesting to you, I will bullet point highlights of the day and you can may arrange them in any random order you wish.

• Cat vomit or cat shit?
• Only clean underwear is confusing thong
• GPS system speaks Cantonese
• Albino sandwich
• Family visiting from California for the week
• Wrong turn leads to a half hour tour of the Bronx
• Suggesting protocol change leads to meeting Armageddon
• Glitter residue everywhere. I can't get it off my chin
• Three inch heels on cobblestones
• Got the finger on the FDR Drive
• Oh! There's where the Bronx Zoo is!
• Spicy pork tenderloin at Mesa Grill
• Sales presentation on the pharmacy market. Lots of pretty pictures!
• That root vegetable smell
• Movie crew on West 153rd Street filming in the cemetery
• Mister Softee
• Teaching my niece a jab-cross boxing combination
• Where's the damn wine?!

Have fun with it.