Jewels has a preference for Dunkin' Donuts coffee. Lots of people in this region seem to favor it. There's a legend that it is infused with abnormal addictive properties akin to crack cocaine. Personally, I find it very bland and prefer a stronger brew. Of all my vices, many of which I've reluctantly surrendered in order to preserve longevity, coffee is one that I've clung to the longest (second only to bacon, my first true love). As a child, my dad would give me a spoonful from his cup to taste and once I reached my high school years, it became the morning beverage of choice. I simply can't imagine going a day without it now.

As is the morning custom here, around 10:30 someone volunteers to make a coffee run to the Newsbar across the street. They produce a respectable mid range brew and we have it straight. No latte, cappuccino or frothy crap for us. On today's run, as we meandered between the delivery trucks, Jewels asked, "How long has coffee been around?" I ventured that the Mayans may have had something to do with it, but perhaps I was confusing it with chocolate. Living in a time when resources are readily available, we no longer have an excuse to leave things as mysteries. So, on our return to the office, a hot cuppa joe to fuel this mission, I delved into this mysterious question.

Jewels sipped his cup and waited for answers. Within seconds, a history of coffee was displayed before us on my computer screen. I read aloud: "The history and development of the beverage that we know as coffee is varied and interesting, involving chance occurrences, political intrigue and the pursuit of wealth and power."

"Yadda, yadda, yadda" said Jewels, "Bottom line it for me."

I read the first entry aloud: "Prior to 1000 A.D., members of the Galla tribe in Ethiopia notice they get an energy boost when they eat a certain berry, ground up and mixed with animal fat."

"Well," huffed Jewels, "we're drinking the stuff all wrong. Get some bacon grease going."

I continued, "The Arabs were the ones who started boiling the beans, creating a drink called 'quhwa'--literally, that which prevents sleep."

"This cup doesn't seem to have the same magic qualities as quhwa," says Jewels.

I spout off one fact after the other, personally finding this foray into the history of the coffee bean fascinating. Jewels appears bored, clearly keen to get to something actually interesting. I come upon a key factoid, "Hey, listen to this," I burst out in an attempt to rouse him from his stupor, "In 1475, Turkish law allowed a woman to divorce their husband if he failed to provide her with a daily quota of coffee. They should bring that one back."

More facts are fired off to general disinterest until I get to 1668--that was the year that coffee replaced beer as New York City's favorite breakfast drink.

"No wonder this city is so fucked up," he snorts, "that was their first mistake."

"Hey, did you know Maxwell House coffee was named after a hotel in Nashville in 1886? Or that vacuum packing of coffee first started in 1900? Or that instant coffee was invented in 1901 by a chemist in Chicago?"

His eyes are very heavy now.

"Starbuck's opened its first store in Seattle in 1971!" I yell triumphantly.

"Yes, yes. But when did Dunkin' Donuts first open?" he said deliberately.

"Christ, I don't know. You asked about coffee, not donuts," I growled.

And with our remaining coffee, we were sufficiently fuled to examine the history of donuts.