This has been one hell of a surreal week. Full of funny, weird and downright unexplainable happenings and it's not even Friday. Here's a random sampling:

- I had a five minute conversation with Aunt Bert about the virtues of wearing a hat year round. We were talking about the Mets and then she suddenly said, "You know heat escapes from your head, don't you?" The art of the segue is not a particular strength of Bert's.

- On a conference call, the various participants are asked to record their names prior to linking into the group. I decided to introduce myself as "She Who Must Be Obeyed." It was met with dead silence from the other participants.

-The Glamazon is posing online as a 26 year old Brazilian model in order to entrap her evil lying boyfriend. She found out he purchased membership to a "Meet Brazilian Singles" website and she located the profile he had posted there. In her duplicity, she toyed with him, sending him e-mails to fuel his ardor, then she dumped him when he suggested a meeting. I read the profile she created for her "alias," and when I got the part that said "languages spoken," I had to tell her Brazilians speak Portuguese, not Dutch.

-There's been a great deal of discussion about whether one would fuck Bill Clinton if given half the chance. It's a split vote, thus far.

-I got embroiled in a rather lengthy debate about the pros and cons of grilling in the nude. Curiously, "Brazilians" were part of that discussion as well.

-I buy breakfast at the same Japanese deli every day. The Eggman (Santiago, the fry cook, who makes my egg white omelets) leaned over the counter today to look at the boots I was wearing...which seemed weird. He correctly identified where I bought them. He lingered a little long in his admiration, which made me think, 'Oh no. The Eggman has a foot fetish. I hope he washes his hands.'

-I've sought advice from my Magic 8 ball three times this week. Each single time I shook it and turned it upside down for an answer, it read, "Go To Your Happy Place."

-I actually had my underwear on backwards for half a day on Tuesday. I didn't recognize that the discomfort this inflicted was in fact NOT due to PMS bloat.

-I accidentally referred to Stormy as "Cat Woman." And she was standing right there.

-There was a man in a jumpsuit (Exterminator? Air conditioning repairman?Escaped prisoner from Rikers?) sitting on the floor next to the entrance to the ladies room yesterday, completely absorbed in a game of Sudoku.

-Two men, a diminutive Japanese fellow and a very tall American man, stood together on the subway, conducting a loud and vibrant discussion in Japanese. It was like watched a badly dubbed movie.

-The mailroom guy came into my office and said off handedly, "Forget Disneyland. This is the happiest place on Earth."

How's your week?