Role Reversal

So here's a funny thing.

In the ordinary discourse of meeting people in my new hometown, I seem to be meeting a lot of middle aged men. Most are divorced and flagrantly on the prowl. In a classic role reversal, they are needy, clingy and desirous of moving quickly into a committed relationship. They're like graying teenage girls. The curious thing is that I am living alone for the first time in my life. I am growing to really like this level of independence. I control the remote control to the television. I chose the food that lives in my fridge. I decide the temperature of the house, the lights I chose to leave on and the location where the furniture is placed. i am rather liking this level of sole decision making (and the management of household issues that inevitably arise). As each day passes, I grow reluctant to surrender this newfound independence to anyone.

A few men I have met recently are, uh, pursuing. I am resisting their overtures because I don't want a relationship right now, essentially for the reasons cited above. I don't actually need a man to validate me, financially support me or take charge. I have done all those things for myself. Yet, I am surprised when they call, like lovesick teenage girls. I find it honestly surprising. And even more surprising, the fact that I am behaving towards them like a boorish cad.

The man who handled my home inspection is one example. He's in his late 50s and a man about town. He's very persistent. He's also good fun, charming and reliable for a laugh. He came by this last weekend for a glass of wine. I like him because he's independent in his thinking. So he pressed me about dating. "We'd be good together," he said, "let's go away some weekend," I shut him down. "I think you'd be fun to hang with, " I said, "but if you get clingy, game over. I really don't want a relationship right now." Suddenly this big burly Irishmen looked a little vulnerable, if not wounded. It was fascinating, but I didn't retract a thing I said because, well, I meant it.

I am finding the whole dynamic really rather interesting.