Back to Work

There's something about a Sunday night before one has to return to the drudgery of the work routine that seems bittersweet. I enjoyed the time off--more than I expected--and now, I am bucking up to face the many demons of the new work day ahead. I face a new year, new sheriffs thumping their chests with authority and the heady expectation to achieve metrics that seemed realistic when we compiled our budgets last August. I'm not sweating my return to the snake pit; in fact, I look forward to seeing the faces of people that I've earnestly missed these past few weeks.

I wish I could charge back into the office tomorrow emboldened by a renewed sense of purpose. I wish I could feel refreshed and renewed and earnestly prepared for the challenges ahead. The truth is, I'm ready to work. I'll accomplish what my manager asks me to do, on his deadline and to his satisfaction. But at the heart of it, I suspect there is subterfuge which obscures a clear vision. Candor, as painful as it can sometimes be, is much more respected and should be practiced. I can't understand why it's not. We are not children. This is not the desperation of wartime. Show people some respect and tell them the truth. And trust me, with the knowledge, they will do the right thing.

I had brunch with Hollaback today. We danced around our lives before she asked me about work. I tried not to complain but I have already prepared myself for the possibility for my life after my job. I have already considered that I will need to think about my new career. I have pondered long and hard about two key metrics: what am I good at and what do I want to do? I do know that I don't want to stay in the business I've worked at for nearly a quarter of century. I always thought I would spend my whole life in publishing but publishing is now considered a dirty word--the field is now couched as "media" and awash with bright, shiny Google-interns. Much preferable to print dinosaurs like me. Yes, I get it.

Hollaback gave me a book on cheese making. I loved it but I'm not ready to buy the farm (not meant as a euphemism) in Vermont and to start churning out cheese. Yet. I discussed my abilities with her and what I might be best suited for. In my heart, I know the job I am best suited for. My mother used to tell me the same thing and when I shared it with Hollaback, she agreed. I should be a Madam.

I make customer satisfaction job #1. I am capable at managing difficult staff. I can manage P&Ls of a business with exactitude but can also be tough when I need to be. I am organized and customer focused and do a good job of prioritizing the business. If that business is pleasure, what of it? I imagined all aspects of what this business would entail and I see that I am very well suited for this work. Alas, it is illegal and I don't think I'd like to move to Nevada to practice it.

I am still mulling it over.