That Pervading Fear

We often go about our business in easy fashion, not thinking about the nasty elements of the world around us. There's a sense that an invisible force field is staving off all the undesirable, unpleasant and scary elements around you. At some point or another, these elements come front and center. And it's a shocking reality check.

About five weeks ago, a violent rape took place in a ten block perimeter around my neighborhood. This is a family-centric place so this action raised some shock waves. The brouhaha soon died down. Some ten days later, a similar attack took place in the hood. This attack had the same earmarks as the previous attack. People were paying attention.

A few more days passed and another attack took place and this incident was particularly heinous...and quite close to home. A 68 year old woman was attacked coming home from work in the early hours of the morning. The rapist trailed her into her building, stepped into the elevator with her and attacked her, raping her and brutally beating her. He left her for dead and her cries went unnoticed until the police found her a few hours later. This took place in the building next to ours. It was truly horrifying and shocking.

Our building mobilized. The police were called in. We were given sketches of the suspect and advised on safety precautions. The group of doormen suddenly evolved into The Marines, offering to walk woman to the subway or to be on call if there were concerns. Walking to and from my garage or in the neighborhood, I was acutely aware of looking at everyone around me, especially those walking behind me.

Well, time passes and you get lethargic, don't you? I was just starting to relax and last night when watching the news, I learned that this same man attacked another woman ten blocks from here. He's getting bolder, as most serial felons do as they evade capture. Within the hour, there was a notice under my door with a sketch of the perp, reminding women to be over-cautious.

When I left my garage tonight, there were police on the streets. They were handing out the wanted poster, taking the time to speak with each woman they encountered. The mood was definitely heightened.

I saw a friend on the street walking his dog. He's a gentle man in his 60s. He was angry. "If I catch this guy, I may just murder him myself," he opined. I was surprised by the velocity of his anger.

It's frightening to imagine our peaceful neighborhood is in danger. When I gaze up at the aged Sycamores and see the breeze ruffle through the church cemetery between Broadway, 154th and 153rd Streets, I can't imagine a poisonous element is polluting it. But it is.

When I walked into our apartment tonight, I said to Fang, "Maybe I should buy some pepper spray or something." Fang shook his head. "You know if you try to extract it from your purse, you'll end up using on yourself." He's probably right. I can so see that happening.

So I'll just keep my guard up. I've been a urban dweller a good part of my life and instinctively, I am always aware, always mindful of who's around me, always careful when walking dark streets, always careful of entering and exiting. My mother drilled that in me. So thanks for that, Ma (thirty years later).

A CT based colleague at work heard about these attacks on the radio and asked me about it. After I commented in the affirmative, she said, "Well, I heard his victims are all skinny and short so you should be safe." And thanks for that cold comfort because I am decidedly...neither.

I hope the authorities collar this felon soon. But a girl's got to be safe so I have found myself unconsciously practicing my Tiger Schulmann defense moves repetitively. Just in case.