The M Word

It's curious that when you're a pre-adolescent, you get more information than you need about getting your period. You're practically a PhD in monthly cycles before you actually start ovulating. When it comes to the change of life, however, all bets are off. You're on your own.

For the record, I officially entered menopause last November. My OB/GYN dismissed it thinking my long stretch of missed periods meant I was enjoying a possibly late-in-life and lengthy pregnancy. It's true that on the average, I am young(ish) for entering menopause. As an adoptee, I can't rely on family history to determine when I should appropriately enter this wizened state. However, given all the general symptoms at my disposal, I safely diagnosed my own change of life and eventually my OB/GYN had to agree. I was tired of peeing into Dixie cups.

I wasn't exactly ready to face the next stage because, truthfully, I had no helpful detailed information. My most reliable source was The Glamazon who had gone through her own change of life two years earlier. She described the hot flashes, the mood swings and in her own inimitable way, the slow and waning atrophy of the vagina. That didn't sound like much fun. I was ambivalent in this discussion until it dawned on me that I was starting to go down the same path (albeit earlier than I had anticipated). I educated myself through these dialogues and rightly--The Glamazon was like the Wikipedia of Menopause. She had the gig down.

Initially, I started to experience the odd hot flash. It's a strange sensation, honestly. You feel a smattering of heat creeping up your body and suddenly, you're sweltering. It's unbearably uncomfortable. Moments later, you're freezing. These two dynamics switch on and off. They cease for awhile only to reignite when you least expect it.

Outside of this sensation, there was the ceasing of a monthly cycle (which didn't suck). There was some curious weight gain in areas I previously had not carried weight. It seemed like a manageable change. Who knew that this was the three month trial period. Once you have accepted terms, the real show began.

That's where I am now. The hot flashes are nightly. My skin texture is dry and I am incredibly itchy, despite copious moisturizing. Sometimes I can't find the right word to express a thought--more or less remember my social security number. I am bloated and look swollen. I have weight sitting on me that I don't recall specifically earning. I sometimes feel incredibly fatigued during the day. And damn, for a woman who never knew PMS and who generally took a positive look at the world most of the time, I am now emotionally volatile. Looking at certain aspects of my behavior sometimes (from the outside) I find it text-book fascinating and equally, disturbing.

During a recent dialogue with my OB/GYN, we discussed some hormone replacement therapy. I declined and decided to take on this next stage of my life cold turkey. She suggested an increase in soy intake to offset symptoms and I'll give that a try; I consider soy a friend.

We'll roll through this, of course, but it does make me cognisant of the need to better educate patients pre-need (to coin a funeral term). And as for that whole atrophy thing, The Glamazon had that all wrong. That's my story.