Peaceful

I woke up this morning and found for the first time in years that I didn't feel the usual tension in my shoulders and neck that usually plague my daily awakening. I realized that I had slept till 8:30 am--an oddity as I usually get up on the weekends around 7 am. I felt light on my feet and curiously untroubled. Was this a preface to that ease that people often experience before they go to their maker? I would have been concerned that I was about to drop dead but I couldn't be bothered. I was way too relaxed.

I read the paper unrushed over my coffee. I watched "Chris Matthews." I caught up on some of my favorite blogs and finally read weeks worth of e-mail. I did so at a leisurely pace--I couldn't believe how relaxed I was. It felt alien.

But relaxed I was. I wasn't worried about work. I wasn't stressed about things I couldn't control. I wasn't vexed about stupid things I had done or said that I regret. I wasn't bothered one iota about anything. The weather was balmy (a remarkable 56 degrees with sun), the air felt fresh and I just felt incredibly peaceful. I haven't felt this way for ages and I embraced it.

I went out to enjoy the weather. I had my nails done. I had a deep conditioning treatment on my hair. I window shopped. I petted dogs being walked on the street and chatted with their owners. I bullshitted with the Indian news stand vendor at 86th & Broadway. I tried on shoes at Banana Republic. I bought sweet peppers and blackberries at the Westside Market. And all the day, I felt like I didn't have a care in the world. I still don't. It's glorious.

At the start of the year, I made a pledge to change. It's ever so easy to proclaim a bold statement that you're making changes in your life, but I have found the best changes that one should make are subtle ones. Those I have indeed incorporated, slowly. I have started to take time to do some yoga stretches before I go to bed.,,nothing dramatic, but I take a few minutes to do some deep breathing and some stretching. It seems to clear my head before I go to bed. I have made conscious choices about what I eat, opting for vegetables, fruit, whole grains and low fat proteins. I find I am thinking about everything that goes into my mouth and am making smart choices. I don't believe in weighing myself, but I do know that my clothes are much looser now. Despite stressful times in the world and at work, I am making the effort to exorcise it at the end of the day. And now I seem to be able to walk away from worry. Who knew?

I felt more carefree today than I have felt in years. I like the feeling. I think I'll keep up with this routine.