Give Me Your Huddled Masses

Foreigners have always been drawn to the lure of America. There may be a recession on but you'd never know it by the collective masses populating Macy's Herald Square today. It was like a bargain basement sale at the U.N.

I met up with Hollaback for a lunch of gourmet macaroni and cheese at S'Mac. We haven't seen much of each other in the past few weeks so this opportunity provided a delicious chance to catch up on each others' lives. It was good fun--I do miss my girl. She's happy and prospering and that's all I could desire.

She had to return to work so I decided to amble a bit in midtown. I had to get a new battery for my watch and I needed to restore some of my favorite Chanel make up items. I decided to go into the flagship Macy's store. What a mistake.

Prior to Christmas, I had heard retail sales were in the toilet. I had heard that this particular branch of Macy's was open 24/7 to encourage holiday sales. I had read in the NYTimes that retail sales were collectively off 10%. I expected a wasteland in the glitzy halls of this city-block wide retail mecca. For the locals, maybe.

Apparently that meant game-on for Europeans and Asians. The store was jam packed when I wandered in at 1:30 pm on a Monday. I pushed my way to the escalator and I heard nothing but foreign languages uttered. Packs of people populated aisles. It was a veritable zoo. They were snapping up cosmetics and perfume like mad.

This should have deterred me, but no. I am a glutton for punishment. I went up to the DKNY counter to check out jeans--they were 50% off. I wasn't the only one. A Lithuanian woman and I wrestled over a pair of dark blue skinny jeans. I can't be sure but I think she called me a whore.

I ended up at INC where they were selling gorgeous sweaters at 40% off. I found a few promising prospects and went to try them on. The dressing room line was 16 people deep. After waiting a long time, the woman in front of me turned around and perhaps sensing a kindred spirit said, "What's up with all these damned tourists? I thought there was a global recession!" I merely shrugged.

Having found some worthy purchases, I then stood in line at the cashier. That was nine people deep. When I got to the front of the line. a man wandered in from the sidelines to an available cashier. Before I could speak, a man behind me whom I assume was local screamed out, "He's cutting the line! He's cutting the line!!" The repentant line-cutter regressed sheepishly into the shadows. It was starting to feel violent.

My purchases complete, I pushed and shoved the masses to get to the escalator. Mobs of people flooded onto the downward stairs. It took everything I had to insert myself into the flow. I still needed to hit the Chanel counter at the lobby level. I sucked in my resolve. This was gonna hurt.
After additional elbowing and maneuvering, I arrived at the opaque black counter. A charming young African American woman named Robin appeared and asked if I needed anything. "Yes," I gasped fighting off the maddening crowd, " I need Les Quatres Ombres eyeshadow in 'Mystic'." I took another breath, " And a lip pencil in..nude." I was spent. The crowds were surging.

I finally fought my way into the fresh air of the afternoon. It felt like heaven. I'm glad our friends in other countries can still enjoy the bounty of their waining currencies. Could you people just wait to exploit it AFTER my vacation?