Don't Drive Angry

I have a temper sometimes. It doesn't show itself often or naturally. At the heart of it, I am a laid back and reasonable person. I blow off slights. Today, it was a whole different matter. Allow the beast to fester and it's pure Vesuvius.

I had three hours of sleep last night--Fang had a weekly magazine that had to go to the printer and everything was going wrong. The page proofs were incorrect, the printer's FTP site was malfunctioning and still, the weekly edition of the magazine had to mail. The issue was finally put to bed at 3 am. The continuing phone calls from the printer kept me up till all hours.

I dragged my sorry ass from bed at 6 am, feeling grumpy and worn. Running late for work, sleep deprived and edgy, I was hardly the portrait of sunshine when I arrived at my garage. Maneuvering out of the driveway, I could see the street was blocked by a line of cars on one side and a garbage truck on the other side slowly collecting what looked like 100 bags of trash sitting curbside. I pulled up behind the line of traffic and waited for the first driver to advance onto Riverside Drive. I waited..and waited. The first driver didn't budge. Cars lined up behind me. They started to go 20 deep. They began to block Broadway. The symphony of honking horns started. The first driver didn't budge. The garbage collectors were moving as slowly as the humid morning air. The agitation began.

Finally this nervous energy got the best of me. I put my car in park and marched down to the first car. The inhabitant, a woman in her late 50s, sat in the passenger seat looking straight ahead. I approached the open window and a fair representation of the following exchange took place:

Me: Ma'am, can you please pull your car to the side so this traffic can pass?
Bitch: No, I am waiting for my niece.
Me: Well, OK, but can you move your car over so this traffic can pass?
Bitch: No.
Me: No? Why...not?
Bitch: The garbage truck is the one blocking the way. They should be done soon.
Me: At this pace, they will be done in five years (nervous laugh). Can you please be so kind as to pull over?
(All the while, the cars backing up behind us are honking. The Bitch is responding to me while looking only straight ahead--she never looks me in the face which only makes me more angry).
Bitch: (adamantly) I am not moving.

At this point, I am so pissed/fatigued that I am shaking. My manners go out the window. The evil twin takes hold. Vesuvius erupts. Language comes out of my mouth and I just observe.

Me: Move your GODDAMN FUCKING car! (Yes, I really said that).
Bitch is silent. I am emboldened.
Me: Now! You are an impediment. Move your FUCKING CAR!!!!!

At this point, The Bitch starts her engine. I am feeling triumphant. She's finally going to move. She reaches down to her left and suddenly, her window rolls up. She has yet to look me in the eye and it's clear she's going nowhere. She just wants to shut me out. I am angry beyond reason. If The Bitch exited the car, I would have taken her down. I was gunning for a fight.

I walked back to my car shaking with anger. The horn symphony continues. In two minutes, the garbage truck finishes loading its cacophony of waste and turns onto Riverside Drive. The parade of vehicles follows it save The Bitch who is still loitering for her tardy niece. As I pass The Bitch's car, all I want to do is give her two full birds but I have to focus on navigating around the traffic. Besides, she never actually looked at me during our exchange. As I pass her stationery vehicle, I can't help but look over at her with an angry expression. And don't you know it, that Bitch took the opportunity to flip me off with a hard nasty middle finger when I drove past her.

If I ever catch her on the street, The Bitch is going down.