I'm confused by what is actually meant by love.We love our parents. We love our siblings. We sort of love our relations because we're supposed to. We love our friends. We are instilled with a sense what love is by the time we're young adults. But what is it?
We're drilled in the rituals of meeting a potential mate, "feeling" something for this person through certain fortifying rituals and eventually falling in love. What ever the hell that means.
I am convinced we don't actually know what that means. We just enjoy getting caught up in moments. Well, who wouldn't?
As a point of silly comparisons, I watched the finale to "The Bachelorette" tonight. All the finalists were exclaiming they were in love. It's easy to say, but what does that actually mean? You'll shrivel up and die without a certain person in your daily life? If that's true, how can someone endure after their spouse of 50 years dies? You're with a person who gives you an unparalleled joy--okay. If that's so, how can you enjoy the same sensation every single day after you've been with them 50 years? Undoubtedly you have a profound affection for them, but is there the same passionate joy? Perhaps it doesn't actually exist in the first place. I'm just asking.
Perhaps the truth is seeking compatibility, proclaiming the all-purpose term "love" and setting up house because that is the natural order of things. Which is fine. That's the way animals do it so it must be intrinsic to our biology.
If love in its purest form exists, I expect it must be exquisite.
Denounce my cynicism, people. Here's your platform.
11 comments:
Oy.
I've heard it said that you love people who love YOU. Makes sense. It may have been the case with me and my spouse. He pursued me for a year and a half. I had a boyfriend and he was miserable about it. He wore me down. He won me.
But we aren't best friends, we aren't soul mates. I don't feel that thing that other couples talk about, so I'm sort of in the same boat as you, CW. I'm fine, I'm content, but I don't get excited when I hear his car in the driveway. I wish I did.
How do you find these great photos?
The bible says the purest form of love is "agape" love. I love that word.
Perhaps a clarification is in order.
I was watching bad reality TV and the people on it were exclaiming the pure breadth and desperation of their love. Really? That's what got me thinking. We're supposed to enjoy and feel love and in many cases, feel forced to express it in certain cliches. I was disguisted by the televised displays for some reason.
The truth is, I do love Fang and he's a valued friend. I loved my parents. I love my family members and friends and the good people who make life so much more enjoyable. But true rhapsodical love? It doesn't last in that state; it's not even love, actually. It's just fun to say to someone that you're falling in love with them. And you may feel that and that's OK. I think it's actually more accurate to say, "I am totally besotted and infatuated with you. I want to sleep with you. Multiple times. And eventually, if we continue to get along I will love and care for you."
I am a cynical wretch, yes, but I really think this.
Agape? What the heck does that mean? Seriously. Save me the lookup in the Merriem-Webster.
I'm not sure if love can be limited to a simple definition. I know I love my children, I would die for them or kill any one who dares to physically hurt them. I love my husband, we have been together 30 years, but sometimes I don't like him very much. Think of all the poetry and music written about love, it embraces everyone in a different way. I believe love is multi-faceted and will always be elusive. Perhaps that is as it should be.
From Wiki:
Many have thought that this word represents divine, unconditional, self-sacrificing, active, volitional, and thoughtful love. Greek philosophers at the time of Plato and other ancient authors have used forms of the word to denote love of a spouse or family, or affection for a particular activity, in contrast to philia—an affection that could denote either brotherhood or generally non-sexual affection, and eros, an affection of a sexual nature. The term 'agape' is rarely used in ancient manuscripts, but was used by the early Christians to refer to the self-sacrificing love of God for humanity, which they were committed to reciprocating and practicing towards God and among one another (also see kenosis).
You're welcome.
I totally agree with you CW, that romantic love is an illusion, a temporary state of infatuation which passes, leaving you to make it into something else. Having said that, I HAVE had relationships where the other person felt like my "soul mate" which actually is unrelated to the infatuation feeling. It was like I had RE-connected with someone I'd lost a long time ago. I lost him again, but I don't think it matters.
Anyhoo, can I join the cynicism club with you? Let's make t-shirts...
Sorry, I need to clarify that the above description is for the word "agape"...
I did a whole 6 week bible study on Love and the different forms of love. It was very very interesting.
"I am totally besotted and infatuated with you. I want to sleep with you. Multiple times. And eventually, if we continue to get along I will love and care for you."
Dude. You totally nailed it.
Hmm.. I love steak. I love white truffles on pasta. I love chocolate... I'm just not sure i'm able to love an human being as much as i love those things though. Hmm..That's probably beside the point. Sorry!
Oh! I LOVE YOU C&W!! :-)
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