Avoid At All Costs

A year's worth of highway commuting has taught me some fairly consistent lessons. There are several genres of vehicles/drivers that should be avoided at all costs. If you see any of said vehicles in your vicinity, slow to the speed limit, let them pass you, say a convoluted curse (in language of your choice) and spit symbolically into your palm. In no particular order.

1. Any middle aged white man in a BMW. Added bonus if he has New Jersey plates.
2. Teenagers in souped up pieces of shit who take sport in weaving between lanes.
3. Corporate types with blackberries perched on steering wheel who furiously text while changing lanes.
4. Landscaping service flatbed trucks with a lawnmower, garden tools, a wooden ladder and loose piles of refuse confined with flimsy twine.
5. Hummers. Those cars scare the shit out of me.
6. New versions of 1960s Mustangs that are souped up to look like a Shelby or a Cobra. Extra points if they feature the double spoiler.
7. Why are school buses on the freeway?
8. Sedans with eight people in it and a "baby on board" sign. Oh Christ--where IS the baby in all that mire of humanity?
9. A fish truck with the slogan "Meat Without Feet."
10. The scariest vehicle on the road? The Fung Wah bus. Yes, you can travel from Boston to Manhattan for $2, but you take your life in your hands if you do so. Those brothers are fucking crazy.