I may be at the mid point of my life, but there are so many unanswered questions that nag at me. For example:-What is a white courtesy phone and why does someone call you on it? What does it take to issue a call on a white courtesy phone? Who's at the other end of the line? And where does one actually find it in an airport?
-What actually is in the composition of a hot dog? Has rat hair ever been a component?
-Why is the sky blue when in fact the space around Earth is always black?
-Seriously, does the light always stay on in the refrigerator when you shut the door?
-Why can't cats speak English? I mean, we always speak back to them in English.
-If a lightening storm takes place, can you actually be electrocuted by your television, toaster, telephone or lampshade? This is an old Polish myth I'd like to dispel--I'm sick of spending summer storms sitting in the middle of a darkened room.-Can someone explain the myth that suggests if you see a whirlwind of leaves swirling around your feet on a breezy day, that means some dead relative is pissed you married that good-for-nothing.
-Is there really Crisco in lip gloss?
-Why if you drop a knife on the floor and pick it up, you will damn your very soul all to hell? Thanks for that one, Grandma.-Do the makers of Coca-Cola still put cocaine in their beverage? And if they don't, why not?
-Was that serial murderer with the hook for a hand story that kept me awake my entire sophomore year really made up? I still think it's true.
-If you keep that sour expression on your face, it really will stick. Or is that Botox?
-Who said you can't wear white before Memorial Day or after Labor Day? What is your problem with white?
-That whole front to back wiping thing. I think freestyle is actually the way to go.-What ever happened to Garanimals dressing? Some people still really need it.
-What is the perfect shade of red lipstick?
-Will there be social security by the time I retire?-How will I actually know if I have a yeast infection?
-How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
-Why is it so hard to say "Slap Crack" twenty times in a row?-Who actually cares if bears shit in the woods? They have to go somewhere, no?
-Why do clerks at the make up counters in high end department stores look like overly made up call girls?
-Was I the only one who hated the movie "E.T."?
-Do woodchucks actually chuck wood? What does chucking mean anyway?Y'know. Just asking.
6 comments:
You pose some very interesting questions. I think I will put some of them in my 'bucket' to explore before.. you know. Now I'm not sure what is in hot dogs, but I do love them in the summer, so if it is gross, keep it to yourself. If bears do shit in the woods, just don't step in it. Personally, I'm glad the sky is blue as opposed to red or green or brown. Perhaps the blue is due to the combination of sunlight, midnight black and the refraction of light rays through the atmosphere, etc, etc... During storms, I never use the phone or sit near windows. I could never see the "cuteness" of E.T. I don't wear red lipstick and wearing white before Memorial Day rule is annoying, but I can't bring myself to commit that fashion 'faux pas'. I think you have taxed my brain for the evening, C&W and it has been fun.
I know what's in hot-dogs. I was a food science major for a year. I took a class called Meats 209. I made hot-dogs and some other yummy stuff. Class supplies were a white apron, a boning knife and a knife sheath on the belt. Yeah, I was sexy in that class. Watch me butcher a chicken in 10 seconds flat. Fear not the hot-dog... it's nothing bad. But yes there is some rat hair (and an allowed level of bug parts per million) in all processed foods. Fear jams & jellies!
My mother has some sort of weird holdover in her head from when she was a kid that only slutty girls wear white pants. Obviously, whoever made that one up has never been to a retirement village in Florida.
Y'all are totally awesome. You made me laugh like nobody's business.
It takes 253 licks to get to the center of a tootsie pop.
And yes, my jaw hurt extremely bad after that.
Thank you for the sacrifice, Kenz darling. It's a lot of work, but trust me, it's useful practice.
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