Pedorthic Colonic

I took the day off work today because it was the only day that my hairdresser was avialable. That's seriously sad but yes, people, it's true. I arrived at 1 pm for the ritual coloring of the roots followed by the copious adherence of the highlights followed by the application of the toner and ending with the ritual blowout. I was at the salon four and a half hours. That's so ridiculous but I am an admitted slave to beauty.

While I was waiting for my single process hair color to take effect (read: touching up of roots), I started playing with the salon's resident canine, a delicious retriever named Sugar. She's still a puppy, maybe a year old and full of boisterous love. Within the salon is a small rented space that is utilized as a spa. The propritress is a funky, cool woman named Anna. Sugar loves the Anna and soon enough, we started talking. Anna does facials and skin care and homeopathic treatments. I like Anna (she's a California girl just like me). Her spa is open to everyone but she caters her services in particular to men.

While I was waiting we started to talk about about toxin cleansing. My version of this is fasting for a few days and drinking only water. She agreed that could be effective but then suggested the better way was through ionic waves which pull the toxins from your body in a shorter amount of time. I had recently seen an infomercial which sold ionic pads that one would wear to bed--through the course of the night, these miracle pads from Japan would suck all the bad shit out of your system (and be black with system detris in the morning). She agreed that her system was similar but much faster.

I admit I was intrigued. I often put myself through various kinds of cleansing to eradicate the damage I inflict on my system. I'm a great believer in curing health ails through natural means and I'd rather concoct an appertif of ginger and ginseng and garlic before touching a pharmaceutical. There must be something to it, for I am rarely ill and I've almost never had to take a prescription drug.

I had 30 minutes to kill as my hair cured so I told Anna that I wanted to try her ionic foot treatment from the system extraction agent. She drew a warm bath of water in a large lined bowl. She inserted her new equiment transducer into the water. The water was clear and smooth. Thirty minutes later, it was a hideous brown with copious foamy scum on the surface and flecks of black chunks floating in the water (see for yourself, above).

Anna gave me the legend to the debris I was apparently emitting. Clearly, I was cleansing my liver (big shock there), my joints, the toxic minerals in my system and the bloodstream. All I know is that the crap in that bowl at the end of the process scared the bejesus out of me. There was serious flotsam and jetson there.

After this was done, I stood up and had the strangest sensation. Each one of my legs felt ten pounds lighter. I felt vibrant. And once I sat down to rinse my hair, I saw my face in the mirror and it was glowing.

I'm no advocate for new age hoohaw and I'll never be, but I will say this--I felt DIFFERENT. I still do. There must be somthing to it.