Yes, We Really Do Talk About That

I was engaged in a casual conversation in the office yesterday with a small group of regulars. Someone, probably Mamela, raised the issue of the confirmed resurrection of the "Sex and the City" movie. We all chortled with some glee at the prospect until Salvatore, a gent in his late 50s said firmly "I've seen that show and in real life, women don't talk that way." No one bothered to correct him, but I know that the rest of us were thinking, not in your neighborhood in New Jersey maybe, pal, but trust me, we DO talk that way.

When women get together, we do talk about sex but not in the way men think we might. I can't put this in subtle terms, so I won't: The male mentality circles around The Dick--it's length, girth and impressive stature. Insecurity which might impair man's pure enjoyment of sex can be completely undermined by the focus on this singular aspect. Gents, that is much ado about nothing. Women do not dwell on such basics. If there is a man reading this, take notes. You might learn something.

There was an old song--blues, I suspect--that suggested it wasn't the meat, it was the motion. I've had so many conversations with many women and we all agree: to please a woman, take your time, use your imagination, use your hands less predictably and make it fun. There seems to be a playbook on what should happen in a certain sequence. Nothing should happen in sequence--play, tease, be bold, take a risk and explore. In the end no one is using a tape measure as a barometer of a satisfying experience. Women weigh the total experience and tend to generalize in only one respect: if a man is a good dancer, its likely he's going to be dynamite in bed.

Women also like to discuss their own...how do I put this?...self-pleasure. I've had many enjoyable online chats with broad minded women who extol the virtues of vibrators. We've debated models and styles and technique like scientists discussing how one should split the atom. (In case you're wondering, The Rabbit is the hands down winner). It's not a replacement for a man but it does allow someone to get their groove on in the interim. Why not?

I used to visit a music chatboard where women of varying ages would log on and talk about their relationships. One night, a young and rather innocent bride was online, imploring us for advice to please her nervous,tentative husband. That was pure catnip. We gave her rather explicit advice on what she should do to her husband that evening. The next day she reported back breathlessly as to her experience: we created a tiger. Good. That's what sisters do.

Women like to be on top. We like to be the aggressors. We like to express our abandon and enjoyment as much as men. We're raunchy. We're unapologetic. We may have had as many--more?--partners than you simply because we enjoy sex. And yes, we talk about it. Explicitly. We probably use the word "cock" more than you do. Clearly, we are not your Mama's generation. We discuss men like men discuss women and in the same terms.

So, yeah, we didn't correct Sal yesterday. It was too much work. But we're ever so wise, fellows. And now you know what you're missing.