Hollaback Girl e-mailed me a link to a Washington Post story that cited the top ten worst song lyrics of all time. I had to agree; some of them were deliciously bad. My favorite was from The Jungle Brothers' song "Candy" and the winning lyrics were:

After a little hanky panky.
We made the room smell stanky, frankly

Oh, to imagine the tortured genius that suffered over a blank canvas conjuring up that creative verse!

Seriously, I think most authentic lyricists toil to create lyrics that are meaningful, poetic, memorable and profound. So why is it then that so many of us mangle the actual lyrics of songs, regardless of the number of times we've heard the song?

For years, my brother labored under the notion that the K.C. & The Sunshine Band song "Shake Your Booty" was actually called "Shake Your Full Legs." He insisted on it. I always confused the chorus from Dylan's version of "Blowing in the Wind" as the following: "The ants are my friends, they're blowing in the wind..." I actually had to hear a different version of this song before I got the lyrics right. But what's interesting is that I came to understand scores of people shared my version of these lyrics. We're all clearly hearing things wrong.

It's actually a pretty common occurence and there's a bona fide word for this: mondegreens. This a second cousin to our friend, the malapropism; in fact, modegreens are a sort of aural malapropism. Instead of saying the wrong word, you hear the wrong word. The word mondegreen is generally used for misheard song lyrics, although technically it can apply to any speech.

Here are a few classic mondegreens:

"Excuse me while I kiss this guy."
("Excuse me while I kiss the sky.") Purple Haze, Jimi Hendrix

"There's a bathroom on the right."
(There's a bad moon on the rise.") Bad Moon Rising, Creedence Clearwater

"The girl with colitis goes by."
("The girl with kaleidoscope eyes.") Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds, The Beatles

"Crimean River."
("Cry Me a River.") Cry Me a River, Julie London

"Bring me an iron lung."
(Bring me a higher love.") Higher Love, Steve Winwood

"You make the best homemade stew around."
("You make the best of what's still around.") When The World Is Running Down, The Police

"Are you going to starve an old friend?"
("Are you going to Scarborough Fair?") Scarborough Fair, Simon and Garfunkel

"Baking carrot biscuits."
("Taking care of business.") Takin' Care Of Business, Bachman-Turner Overdrive

"Got a lot of lucky peanuts."
("Got a lot of love between us.") Let's Hang On, Frankie Vallee and the Four Seasons

"What a nice surprise when you're out of ice."
("What a nice surprise bring your alibis.") Hotel California, Eagles

And my personal favorite:

"She's got a chicken to ride."
("She's got a ticket to ride.") Ticket to Ride, The Beatles

What's your mondegreens?