For a city that prides itself on its diversity and tolerance, our City Council seems a little uptight these days. 2006 was a record year for the number of things the Council voted to ban. This list includes:

Trans-fats, aluminum baseball bats, foie gras, pedicabs in parks, new fast food restaurants in poor neighborhoods, the purchase of tobacco by 18 to 20 year olds, vehicles in Central and Prospect parks, cell phones in upscale restaurants, candy flavored cigarettes, Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus, mail order pharmaceutical plans, gas station operators adjusting prices more than once daily, the sale of pork products from a processing plant in Tar Heel, NC and lobbyists from the floor of council chambers AND Wal-Mart. Whew. They've had a busy year.

As we sit on the precipice of the new year, as a proud citizen, I'd like to throw out a few suggestions for the Council's consideration for 2007. I mean, in the interest of preserving the integrity of Manhattan and all.

-Cab drivers should not be allowed within the confines of their vehicles if they 1) have failed to bathe for two days or 2) have never purchased deodorant.

-The banning of funnel cakes and their likeness from all street fairs.

-When visiting, Britney Spears and her ilk are required to keep errant breasts restrained and underwear worn on their person at all times within the city limits.

-A ban on the playing of the Mr. Softee tune at double time speed after 10:00 pm.

-No more general announcements over the loudspeakers at subway stations. I mean, we can't understand a freaking word you're saying anyway.

-Dispense with the three month waiting list to get a reservation at Per Se, Peter Luger or Nobu.

-A ban on all but the Original Ray's Pizza (and which one is that, really? Does anyone really know?)

-Legwarmers and Ugg boots not allowed for sale anywhere within the entire borough of Manhattan.

-One ass per subway seat. Electric shocks for any violators (two shocks for those who take the handicapped seating and continue to sit there when a disabled person boards the train).

-A ban on any canine smaller than a guinea pig or gerbil, especially if it is dressed in a Burberry cape.

I'm sure there are multiple other things, but it's not even 2007 yet and I don't want to be too aggressive.

Suggestions are always welcome.