It's getting to be that time of the year when you start to notice those little changes that signal the change of season..The days get shorter, the air takes on a distinct crispness, the song of the cicadas in the trees start to diminish. Yes, fall is on the horizon and that means the dramatic eruption of foliage in the trees of Central Park and brisk breezes off the Hudson that serve as the precursor of winter.

Yeah, yeah.

From my perspective, it means fashion. The September issues of Vogue, Harpers Bazaar and In Style (to name but a few) are all so thick they could fell a grown man with a single blow. The build up for Fashion Week and the tent shows at Bryant Park start to escalate. Those three lovely little words: Barney's Warehouse Sale. It's a magical time to be in a city where garment workers carelessly push racks of designer clothing through Midtown traffic and fashion trends, good and bad, spring forth like oxalis in a vegetable garden. Why do you think Glamour shoots their "Do's & Don'ts" photos here? New Yorkers are the arbiters of high taste and low fashion and a thousand and one "What were they thinking"moments. The air is thick with it right now.

In order to fully prepare for the season ahead and predict what the well heeled doyenne will be wearing this fall, one must break down and purchase the undisputed bible--the September issue of Vogue. This big mother clocks in with a 755 page folio and enough ad pages to ensure Anna Wintour will be able to buy yet another full length chinchilla coat for the winter.

Having done a precursory paw through the UV coated pages, here's my perspective. Feel free to disagree:

Bubble skirts. Have you ever seen a garment that looked more like a material fart? Look, we wore billowing, blossoming dresses 20 years ago and if you've lived through 1980s fashion, you know that you should never repeat the same mistakes again. These may look fabulous on the stick mannequins in the window at Club Monaco, but on mere mortals, it is comical.

Plaid. It even looks wrong on Catholic school students. Not flattering, not sophisticated, not even good on the 12th hole at St. Andrews.

Metallics. Somewhere Bob Mackie is rubbing his hands together like Metosophocles. If you MUST, go for bronzes and pewter, not gold and silver and if you're really smart, keep it to accessories. You do not want to look like Charo.

Miniskirts. Please, bitch.

Romantic Soft Blouses. I will say a lowcut ruffled blouse in soft shades does make one's rack look pretty darn good. I'm a convert.

Menswear. Always classic, always works, as long as its paired with a feminine shoe, blouse and the cut of the jacket is sharp. You can not go wrong ever in a well tailored tuxedo jacket.

Leggings. Ew, I think I threw up in my mouth a little. Banish these to "Flash Dance" land again and quickly.

Platform pumps. I know that they will send me to my podiatrist every week for my natural born life, but I do not care. I just bought a pair in red. They are nearly 5 inches tall and I feel like Wonder Woman in them. Does that mean I will have to buy a gold belt?

Animal Prints. You are wild, sexy animal. You are untamed beast. Work with me. Make love to the camera. Keep the zebra pattern to your purse.

Military Jackets. Thank God--I still have a cache of them from last year stuffed in my closet. It would be nice to get another year out of them.

Capes. To quote my friend Hollaback Girl, HOLY CATS!!

So what do you think?