Stormy Weather

A Nor'easter came blowing in this morning. While the rain poured down in sheets and the wind howled to nearly 45 mph, the Winter temperatures hovered around 60 degrees. That whole global warming theory is firmly askew, in my mind at least.

I left for work at 7 am and for my chosen weapon against the elements, I chose the most durable of our collection of umbrellas--a mega golf umbrella with titanium spokes. I exited outside and propped the umbrella aloft. Within 20 steps, the gale force winds off Riverside Drive had already flipped this uber-umbrella inside out three times. I held my umbrella against the elements. I watched in horror as the umbrella's framework started to collapse towards me. The spines of this uber umbrella then snapped and the nylon fabric flayed about my head like a yard of dynamic nylon. I felt like I was trapped in the jib of a sailing vessel. I wrestled with this useless beast as a lone dog walker passed me in the street. He offered helpfully, "That's a useless umbrella!" "Ya think?!?!" I trumpeted back, in sarcastic anger. Typical fucking New Yorker--he ignored me.

By the time I had completed the block, the umbrella was completely and utterly neutered, shattered. I jetted it into a wire mesh trash basket on the corner of Broadway and 155th. I still had three blocks to walk to my parking garage and without any protection.

The rains were unrepentant. The wind howled. I stalked to my garage, head down, fighting the elements. By the time I walked in, my hair was completely drenched, my clothing stuck to me like Saran Wrap, any last drab of make up on my face had been washed away. Oh, what a fucking grand way to kick off the week. I was pissed off.

But in the end, most of the people who came to work were in the same condition. As they say, misery loves company.