Buddy System

It's curious, but I seem to be one of those girls who falls under the category of "good buddy." I have oodles of good buddies and trust me, I am deeply grateful for every one of them. However, as a good friend once opined, "that's all I got." And I am starting to see that is the personalization of my role here on this fakakta planet.

I had certain validation last night that I am just that to most people. While wafting in gratitude that I can develop and enjoy such generous friendships, there exists for me a copious gap in love, in intimacy. Much as I adore Fang, at the end of the day, I am his good buddy first and foremost and today, that is what remains. Prior to Fang, any infantile relationship often evolved to good buddy status. The crushes I've employed were eventually relegated to good buddy status (not by my choice but by the crush). It's become the fat girl "let's remain friends" conversation evolved into adulthood. A strangely nightmarish reoccurring theme.

I have often thought (idealistically) that I was meant for love, for passion and someone who thought I was the feminine ideal. A girl can dream but I don't think I am the right girl. It's yet to happen and here I am, closing on 50.

At least I have my friends to lean on.